Halo
by Beautiful Deceit
Summary: In the eyes of others she wore a halo, however, a shocking descision reveals the imperfections behind the angelic facade. She's broken and ready to be taken off of her pedestal. RuthieMartin
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing including the song _Halo _by Bethany Joy Lenz (Galeotti)

Important Facts: Sandy lied about being pregnant, however, before Martin realized this he confessed to Ruthie. (The same scenario, which took place in Turkey.) Martin is still at school, but Ruthie has shut herself away from him and the rest of her family.

A/N: This is a much darker fic than I am used to writing, however, I couldn't get this idea out of my head. It is a Ruthie/Martin fic, however, their relationship needs to be rebuilt and this will not happen right away. A lot of the story will be in Ruthie's P.O.V., however, there will be a lot of dialogue. This prologue must only contain Ruthie's thoughts for the story to work. Please read and review to let me know if this is worth continuing.

_**Prologue**_

_I never promised you a ray of light  
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday  
I'll give you everything I have  
the good, the bad_

Why do you put me on a pedestal?  
I'm so up high that i cant see the ground below  
So help me down, you've got it wrong  
I don't belong there

One thing is clear  
I wear a halo  
I wear a halo when you look at me  
But standing from here  
You wouldn't say so  
You wouldn't say so if you were me  
And I, I just wanna love you

The cold darkness surrounded the pretty girl as she stared up at the starry sky, deep in thought. The chilled breeze did not bother her nor did the fact that she was alone in a deserted park. A few months ago she would have felt the chill and been frightened by the quiet solitude of the deserted area, however that was months ago. She had changed so much during such a short time that it was unbelievable. The beauty in question had spiraled into a pool of misery and despair, which left her empty. She sometimes wondered whether or not she was alive.

Following Sandy's pregnancy scare and her falling out with Martin, Ruthie had become somewhat of a loner. She was beautiful, yet unapproachable. Ruthie drifted away from her friends and began to enjoy her quiet self destruction. Eric and Annie, of course, noticed the changes in their baby girl, however they could not help her due to the fact that she refused to acknowledge them or the rest of her family, aside from Sam and David.

So here Ruthie sat, friendless and alone, yet she was too empty inside to feel the weight of the past few months' confessions. She was tired, depressed and more than a bit dead inside. Few things could make her feel alive. However, one thing always brought her back to life, if only for a few moments.

Ruthie began to repeat Martin's mistake over and over again. She wanted to forget. Ruthie wanted to forget Martin, Sandy, her family and herself. She began hooking up with random guys. Sex was her new addiction. During these times of despair she would find a young, handsome and willing man and forget her life, if only for a short time. She wanted to forget herself this night. Tonight, however, was different from all of the other nights. Tonight she needed her family and friends, and how she hated to admit it, Martin. But she refused to go to them. She wouldn't go to them. They had crushed her and that she refused to forget. She could not forgive. Ruthie knew she needed Martin, however, she was utterly alone— and she had repeated Martin's mistake.

Ruthie was pregnant, but she couldn't keep the baby. With no one to turn to, Ruthie walked across the street into the abortion clinic and prayed for God to forgive her. She prayed that she would forgive herself. Ruthie had become a hypocrite, but in her eyes, that was better than being a pregnant, single, faithless, loveless teenager.

_I always said that I would make mistakes  
I'm only human and that's my saving grace  
I'll fall as hard as i try  
So don't be blinded  
See me as I really am  
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin  
So pull me from that pedestal  
I don't belong there_

One thing is clear  
I wear a halo  
I wear a halo when you look at me  
But standing from here  
You wouldn't say so  
You wouldn't say so if you were me  
And I, I just wanna love you  



	2. A Life Altering Decision

Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all.

Warning: This chapter contains graphic scenes of an explicit nature, if you are not comfortable with this, then I suggest that you do not read this story because sex is a large role in the plot, though not in a smutty way. Sex, in this story is Ruthie's self destruction. It's used as a weapon rather than some fabulous, mind-blowing experience. Eventually, that will change. But a large part of this story is Ruthie's self destruction and the affect that this all has on her and her relationships.

Ok. ... that was a bit of a longish rant so without further ado, I give you the first official chapter ).

_**Chapter 1: A Life Altering Decision **_

"Are you sure, honey?" the nurse at the abortion clinic asked as Ruthie turned in her medical forms.

This question seemed out of place in a clinic such as this, however, Ruthie thought 'She sees this everyday, how can she care? Maybe she was me once? Maybe she made a mistake that she couldn't take back.'

Ruthie was beginning to have second thoughts about her decision and quickly rid herself of her qualms.

"I've never been more sure in my life," she said.

'I've also never been more scared in my life,' Ruthie thought, but decided to keep that to herself. She needed this abortion. There was no other way.

As she sat in the dingy waiting room, Ruthie considered the events that led her to this dark place in her life.

_Six Months Ago. . . _

"_I love you . . . as . . . as a friend," Martin stammered as he looked deeply into Ruthie's tear-filled eyes._

"_I'm sorry. . ."_

"_How . . . how could you be so stupid? How could I be so stupid?" Ruthie desperately cried. _

"_You don't even know her, yet you're having a baby with Sandy." Ruthie spat, placing an edge on the name "Sandy". _

"_My whole family knows! Everyone! Matt, and Mary and Simon and Lucy, Kevin, Mom, Dad, Sam and David! They all know. Everyone. Everyone, but me." _

"_Ruthie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you." _

"_Yeah, me too." _

_And with that last statement, Ruthie swiftly strode out the back door, slamming it behind her. _

_She ran and ran until her legs gave way and she collapsed on a near park bench. _

_There Ruthie sat until a dark figure loomed over her. He was tall, handsome, and new (at least in Ruthie's opinion, because she sure as hell hadn't seen him before.) His eyes were slightly red, but she thought it worked. _

'_His eyes match mine,' she thought, 'though I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one doing all the crying.'_

"_Hey baby," drawled the man, "You look like you could use a little fun." _

_As clichéd as that line sounded to Ruthie, she couldn't find any objection. She was hurt, angry and not thinking straight. _

'_If Martin can sleep with a complete stranger, then so can I,' she irrationally thought._

_Ruthie turned to the handsome stranger._

"_Yeah, I could use some fun," she drawled, "So, are you gonna help me out or am I gonna have to find another way to… entertain myself?" _

_Before the stranger could reply, Ruthie crashed her lips upon his. She slipped her tongue in his mouth and kissed him with such an intensity that it appeared she was throwing all of her feelings of hurt and resentment into his body. _

_He grabbed her ass and pushed his pelvis into hers. Ruthie's mind and body were in states of overdrive. She wanted to stop, but she couldn't. Ruthie had always been perfect, but it was time for her to be torn off of her pedestal. _

_She ground her hips into his as his hand slowly slipped under her sweater and deliberately trailed up her stomach until he reached the under wire of her bra. Without asking permission, the handsome stranger slipped his hand under her bra and placed his hand on her right breast. He began to knead the soft, supple flesh until he found her nipple and encircled it slowly before beginning to pinch and twist the hardened nub. _

_She could not capture the moan that escaped her lips as she allowed her head to rest in the crook of his neck. _

_As his left hand meticulously teased Ruthie's nipples, his right hand slid up her skirt and began to pull down her silk panties. He slowly rubbed her nether lips, gently teasing her. She bucked her hips against his experienced fingers as his thumb began to circle her most sensitive spot. He slowly slid a finger into her._

_Ruthie groaned and arched herself into him, desperate for more. All rational thought had left her as she allowed her body to give into her most primal desires. He easily slid a second and third finger into her at a deliberately slow pace._

"_Please," she panted._

"_Please, what?" he goaded her._

"_I need to, I need, I. . . Uh. . . mmm . . . I need to" she trailed off as her words became muffled and overpowered by her moans. _

"_Say it," he ordered. _

"_I need to . . . to . . . come," she whimpered, and with that he began to slam his fingers in and out of her while teasing her most sensitive areas. Ruthie's legs began to shake as she felt a surge of pleasure erupt within her._

_She steadied herself against him as she rode upon waves of pleasure. Slowly, Ruthie detached herself from the mysterious stranger._

"_Same time tomorrow," she whispered as she slowly backed away from him, a hint of a smile playing upon her lips. As she walked home that night she realized that she had never felt so alive._

_Ruthie entered her house without a word to her gathered family members or Martin. She reached the bathroom and began to analyze the night's events. She looked into the mirror, taking in her red eyes and the glow upon her cheeks. Then she turned to the toilet and vomited. _

_Ruthie felt used and dirty, yet she knew that the next night she would go back to the nameless stranger. She needed to feel alive. _

"Ms. Camden . . . Ms. Camden," the nurse called bringing Ruthie out of her reverie.

"I'm going to need you to fill out a few more consent forms."

Wordlessly Ruthie nodded her head and walked to the desk. She spared one last thought to the night that had sent her spiraling into the dark abyss. Before she reached the desk, she turned to the barrel, which was placed against the wall, and vomited. That night still made her sick to her stomach. This clinic made her feel just as dirty and used as every late night interlude with perfect strangers did. And she had begun to need the self deprecation. She craved it. And _that_ was another thing that all stemmed back to Martin.

A/N: Ok, so here's the first chapter. The next chapter will focus on the surgery and reflect upon Ruthie's second night with the stranger. Martin, as well as the Camdens will also make an appearance. The speed of the next update will depend upon the reviews that I get. Please Read & Review.

xO. Beautiful Deceit


	3. Another Addition to a Line of Regrets

Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all.

_**Chapter 2: Another Addition to a Long Line of Regrets**_

It had been an hour since Ruthie had undergone an abortion. Her body ached, she felt lightheaded and she was lightly bleeding from surgical wounds that had recently been sealed.

She was ashamed and even more broken than when she found herself in that abortion clinic. She felt dirtier than when she went to that same clinic to get tested for STDs.

"I should have kept the baby," she whispered to the empty park.

Ruthie couldn't go home, but she knew she couldn't stay and wallow in the park. The park was her place to come when she wanted to forget. It had been her special place to get away from the world. All that had come crashing down when she met James. The stranger from the park.

He had found her when she was at her lowest. Preyed on her when she was at her weakest. Enjoyed her during her moments of self-destruction.

"_Hey beautiful." _

_She would know that voice anywhere. It was the voice that had first brought her to ecstasy the night before. _

_He looked good, she decided, in loose jeans and a black button down shirt that accented his tall, muscular build. _

_His eyes didn't match hers. 'Probably because he's not high yet,' she assumed. _

_Martin had been at her house all day trying to get a reaction from her, but she couldn't let him see her cry. Not again. So Ruthie left. She ran to the place she had learned to forget her problems, Martin being one of them. _

_In her moment of silence, the then-nameless stranger had pulled Ruthie flush against his body and began to let his hands glide up her willowy form. _

"_I don't know why I keep coming back here," she murmured. _

"_It's just one of life's mysteries. Like, 'Why is the sky blue? Who put us here?' The same as 'Why does the Preacher's daughter keep coming back to me?' Not that I'm complaining. It's just the way it is." _

_It was more than she had heard him say the night before. _

_She began again, "It's just that. . . "_

_He interrupted, "Sweetheart, does it seem like I care? It's just sex."_

_He would take her further tonight._

_He took her silence for her assent and moved in to capture her lips with his before all sense returned to her body. _

_Swiftly discarding Ruthie's shirt, the mysterious stranger began to unhook the clasp of her bra. She let it slip gracefully from her shoulders as he stared at her in satisfaction. Slowly, he lowered his lips to the valley between her breasts and planted open-mouthed kisses between her mounds of creamy flesh. He trailed a path of kisses to her hardened nipple and began to swirl his tongue around the erect flesh before taking it into his mouth and suckling on it. First the left, then giving the same treatment to the right as his suckling sounds were drowned out by Ruthie's throaty moans. _

_He continued on his journey, unbuckling her pants and pulling them down swiftly. _

"_What are you…?" An embarrassed Ruthie stammered, as he slowly slid to his knees in front of her. _

"_You can't…" her words were drowned out as he brought his face to her aching core and kissed her through the thin material of her panties._

"_Ah ..." _

"_So wet," he breathed. _

_The stranger roughly yanked her panties down her leg as he brought his mouth to her center and began working her to the brink of pleasure. She writhed as he continued to lap at her, eventually bringing her to her peak. _

_Before she could protest he undid his pants and forcefully slid into her. She moaned in discomfort as he continued to pump in and out of her. Eventually her moans subsided and they turned to sighs of pleasure as she was taken to her peak again and again. The stranger finally finished and before Ruthie could recover, he was gone. _

_She lay against the cold park bench, sated and disgusted. Ruthie recovered her lost clothes and dressed quickly before sprinting home. She couldn't stand to stay in that place anymore. _

Ruthie was brought out of her reverie by the approach of heavy footsteps. She turned quickly.

"Oh, it's you." She sounded both disappointed and relieved.

"So this is where you've been coming lately." He stated, more than questioned, ignoring her initial disappointment.

She ignored him and sighed. She was still sore and this was the last place she wanted to see him.

"You've been ignoring me."

Ruthie snorted derisively. Of course she had.

He kept going, ignoring her silence.

"Is this about me and Sandy…and…the….baby? Why Ruthie? You're my best friend. Why can't you just talk to me?"

He was close, but she wasn't throwing him a cigar. He'd have to get there on his own.

He moved to sit beside her.

"Please talk to me." He was looking at her with such raw emotion in his eyes that Ruthie could not look away.

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't. Not after what I've done."

He looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean? What have you done? Please, let me in."

"I can't. I don't deserve to." Once again, her voice was no louder than a breaking whisper.

"I can't," she whispered solemnly, her voice breaking and tears threatening to flow from her cinnamon eyes.

"Ruthie. . ." He didn't know what to say. Martin hated seeing her like this, but there was nothing he could do if she wasn't going to open up.

He placed a tentative arm around her.

"C'mon. Let's get you home."

She shrugged his arm off of her.

"Home?" She questioned, in a slightly panicked voice. "I can't go home."

"Ruthie. . ."

"No, I can't. I just can't."

_His wandering hands caressed her form and brought her hips to his, grinding against her. Clothes were torn off and thrown on the ground carelessly in their raw passion. He slid into her, as she moaned with each thrust. _

"I can't go home. I can never go home again."

"Ruthie…what?"

_Blood flowing into a vial as a nervous girl awaits the end of her test. _

"I can't." she whispers.

_Tensed muscles under rigid skin as a beautiful, young girl hopes for negative test results. _

"I won't."

_Clenched stomach muscles as she lies down on the cool table. _

"NO!" she screams, startling both Martin and herself. And with that she ran from the very place that once held dear. She ran from the place where she lost her innocence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I lost her." Martin panted, out of breath, as he burst into the Camden's kitchen.

"I lost her."

"Lost who? Martin? Martin…" Annie frantically questioned the young man, looking for answers in his striking green eyes.

"Ruthie. She's been going down to . . . down to that park. She was… and we. She ran. Says she can't come home. She won't."

"ERIC! ERIC!" Annie yelled frantically as her husband appeared in the kitchen, clad in a bathrobe.

"She's gone. Ruthie's gone. We have to call the police. At the park. Left. Can't come home. Doesn't want to. . ."

"Annie," he silenced his wife, "There's no need to get the police involved yet. She's been going through a tough time. Let's just give her some time. If she's not back soon we'll call the police. I promise." Eric attempted to soothe his wife, though he didn't quite believe his own words.

"And now?" Annie and Martin questioned simultaneously.

"We wait."

O.K. So that's it for this chapter. To those of you who have asked for updates, I apologize for the lack of them, but hopefully this satisfied you. I hope you enjoyed it. There's been a large stretch between updates, but I have hopefully conquered my writer's block and should begin regular updates again. Feedback is always welcome. And thank you to those of you who reviewed, especially **HarleyzGirl**, who brought some very important points to my attention. Please Review!

xO. Beautiful Deceit.


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